If you’re reflecting on that relationship with a narcissist, psychopath, or some other manipulative predator, feeling completely repulsed — like, “How was I ever in love with this person, let alone obsessed?” — you’re not alone.
It’s natural to be disgusted by how they treated you, maybe even by their appearance now.
“What was wrong with me?”
But the truth is, you weren’t in love with them for who they are.
The whole thing was a psychological trick
Narcissists and psychopaths don’t attract us because they’re inherently lovable; they use manipulation to make you feel attached. People often admit they weren’t even physically attracted to their abuser at first — they weren’t their type, or maybe they straight up looked like shit in hindsight.
What draws you in is how they make (or once made) you feel. You fall for the emotional manipulation: the love bombing, the constant back-and-forth of affection and withdrawal, the rollercoaster of highs and lows. They shower you with love and attention, then rip it away just as quickly. It’s classic push-pull behavior, designed to mess with your head.
This isn’t just random behavior; it’s deliberate.
